Chapter 59

A few hours later we decided we should probably find a hotel for the night, and schedule a cab to pick us up in the morning so we could go to the hospital for Tom’s treatment. A few blocks from the coffee shop we found one, and walked inside to check in. We rode the elevator to the top floor, walking to the end of a long hallway before reaching our room. The minute we were inside I was jumping on the bed. “Will you ever grow up?” Tom said laughing, grabbing my leg, making me fall back down onto the bed. I laughed as I landed with a bounce. “Like you should be talking” I replied, laying back and staring up at the ceiling. Tom fell asleep a short while later his eyelids fluttering slightly as he slept; I wondered what he was dreaming about as I moved about the hotel room, opening cupboard doors. I explored the small room slowly, before sitting down at the desk in the corner of the room. I picked up the hotel pen and began writing on the small pad of sticky notes. “Dream Big” I wrote on the first one I ripped it off sticking it on the wall in front of me, “Positive Energy” I wrote on the next, “Live Forever” I wrote on the 3^rd adding it to my collection on the wall in front of me. Tom was stirring behind me, I heard him whispering the words on the sticky notes as he read them off the wall. “I don’t have to live forever liv, I’m not afraid to die, I just don’t want to lose you yet” I looked at him a hint of fear in my eyes. “Remembering Dan today hurt, but it also reminded me that I’ve never forgotten him, he’s still here with me, as long as you don’t forget me, it will all be okay”. My eyes began to fill with tears, “I could never forget you, I never will, but you’re not allowed to leave me just yet” “Didn’t mean to upset you” he said wrapping his arms around me. “It’s just I had a dream about Dan and it got me thinking, I just want to make sure I’ve made my mark, that I don’t leave the world unnoticed” I stared at him blankly, “how could you ever think anyone would ever forget you, that’s something I’ve always promised you, that I won’t ever forget you”. He gave me a weak smile squeezing my hand; let’s go outside, he led me over to the window slowly opening it. “Are you insane?” I asked as he began to climb up the fire escape onto the roof. “cmon, we’re already on the top floor it’s just a little climb” I shook my head as I followed him outside. A few moments later we were settled on the roof of the hotel looking out into the night. I was terrified but excited at the same time, the adrenaline pulsing through my veins.  “okay so out of everything I want to know, what have I taught you” I looked at him a thoughtful look on his face, I thought a moment trying to find the right words.  “That what makes something possible is determination, as long as your dedicated you can make your dreams come true” he laughed, “you’re the one who’s been pushing me the whole way, I think you taught me that more than I taught you”. I smiled “well maybe it takes two to make something work, maybe we needed to push each other” “I think you’re right” he said smiling. “Can I ask you what happened with Dan in your dream?” “He was there, alive, it was like he never died, it was like going back and reliving my past. I’ve been thinking about him a lot lately, I miss him”. The honesty in his voice shook me, I didn’t really know what to say “You’re a good friend Tom Tom, and I know he misses you too” “It’s just Dan and I got into a big fight right before he died, I wish we could have fixed things before he passed” I felt a twinge of pain hearing him speak. “Dan and I fought a lot, the only time we weren’t fighting was when we were playing guitar together” he continued. I thought a moment before climbing back inside, returning a minute later with his guitar in hand. I’ll never understand how his guitar managed to survive a train crash, but thankfully it did, he would have been lost without it. I handed it up to him as I climbed back to join him. “Then play guitar now, pretend he’s here” I said settling beside him. He took the guitar from me, slowly putting the strap over his shoulder, bowing his head he began to play.  ( The Ross Song- BriBry http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pik2XcLXCEw )

I’m no longer afraid of death, knowing that I’ll meet you when it comes, But I’ll live and live until it does,

I smiled at him, as he began to play, louder and louder in the dark of the night

We’ll never stop loving you, We’ll never stop thinking of you, We’ll never stop wearing your clothes, writing you songs, And living the path that you put us on

(The Ross Song, is dedicated to Ross who lost his life battling cancer, BriBry wrote this song for him, as a way of celebrating his life, and never forgetting him ♥)

if you’ve read the chapter please “like” the chapter so i know how many people have read it and if you want me to let you know when new chapters are posted just tweet me at @canadiantwfans (:

comments and feedback are appreciated! 

-Liv 

Chapter 58

I woke up early the next morning confused and still tired. My dreams were confusing taking random twists and turns not making any sense. I could hear Tom talking quietly on the phone on the other side of the room. He wore a blank expression looking out the window watching the sun rise. I stared up at the ceiling, my head was pounding, I needed to leave this room before I officially went insane. I didn’t enjoy having this much time alone with my thoughts. Sometimes life becomes too real and it hits you in the face, this was one of those times. Reality seems too much and I wanted nothing more than to just continue avoiding it. “Hospitals been scheduled for tomorrow” Tom said hanging up his phone. I looked at him expectantly, “We have all of today to do whatever we want then we can catch a cab in the morning. I’ve already talked to the doctors and your free to leave as soon as you’re ready” I got out of bed beginning to grab my belongings, “the sooner the better” I replied. “What do you wanna do today”? Tom asked helping me pick up my things. “I don’t even know where we are right now, let’s go exploring” I said brushing my hair. Fifteen minutes later we were walking out the front doors of the hospital into a street I had never seen before. The air was cool around me a soft breeze rustling the leaves on the trees. We walked down the quiet road, looking into shop windows. This entire town was something out of a story book. Tiny little boutiques and coffee shops with glowing windows lighting up the early morning, we walked a little further eventually choosing a coffee shop. Settling down at a table Tom stood up to go and order coffee. I was staring at the menu when someone walked up in front of me. I looked up to see a guy about my age looking down at me “umm hi” I said softly to the stranger in front of me. “Sorry I know this is weird but I know the guy you just came in with” “You’re a friend of Tom’s”? I asked confused, “Yeah from a long time ago, mind if I sit down”? I felt uncomfortable but to avoid being rude agreed to let him sit. I had no idea what to say I looked around the room a bit panicked silently willing Tom to come back to stop this awkward situation from occurring. He sat down a moment later with 2 cups of coffee in his hand. “Hey Luke” Tom said a surprised expression crossing his face. The two of them began to catch up and Tom told him the entire story leading up to now. Every detail, everything we had been through. It hurt hearing it again; I was slowly reliving everything from first hearing the news of Tom illness to the many hospital trips, the complications, and the pain. But I also got to relive the better parts, the trips and the laughs and the memories. It made me realise exactly how much we had gone through, and were still going through. I looked at Luke’s face, a mixed expression of fear and awe as Tom finished talking. Luke exhaled looking at us both speechless. Tom squeezed my hand across the table as he looked at the expression on my face. I was feeling drained of emotion not really sure how to respond. “All I can say is that you two sure are fighters, keep going” Luke said quietly. Tom laughed at this as someone else walked up behind him. “Oh the Parker kid is back” said the guy sitting down beside me. A look of anger crossed Tom’s face as I moved my chair back slightly. “Telling your sob story to Luke here”? The guy asked looking at me for the first time “And you are”? “Leave her out of it” Tom said curtly. “Your boyfriend here isn’t as great as you think, he abandons his band as soon as a new gig comes along” I stared at him unsure of how to respond. “We were all in a band together before, and he left to join that boy band of his” “No I left after Dan you know that” he said standing up. “Cmon Liv were going” he said grabbing his jacket off the back of his chair before turning to leave, the café door slamming behind him. I stood quickly glancing at Luke before leaving. Luke stood following me out the door, he led me to the side of the café “give him a minute” Luke said quietly. “What’s going on”? I asked, “The band we were in before was pretty rough, the guy in there was our lead singer his names John, he became really into drugs and drinking after a while and Tom didn’t want to end up like him he was planning to leave and then one of the band members Dan died one night at a gig. It was a drug overdose” I blinked as all the pieces clicked together in my head. I knew about the band Tom was in before, and I knew Dan had died but not how. I remember Tom telling me how he wanted to leave the band a long time ago but he would never say why. I could still recall how torn up he had been after Dan, but Tom would never talk about it. “He was there the night Dan died, he’s the one who found him” Luke said quietly, I guess John always kind of associated Tom with Dan’s death simply because he was the one who broke the news to him, it wasn’t Tom’s fault but in John’s mind it is. My heart rate sped up a little listening to the story. “Tom left shortly after he couldn’t face any of us anymore, none of us ever spoke again, but John seems to have kept tabs on him” I felt kind of stunned an information overload taking over. “Hey don’t be mad at Tom for not telling you about how Dan died okay? It was really hard on him, and I don’t think he wanted to face how it happened, that any of it was even real” I understood completely, it felt like my heart strings were being yanked on as he continued talking. “Let’s go find him” Luke said as we began walking up the road in the direction Tom had gone, we found him a little ways up sitting on the curb. I sat down next to him my head resting on his shoulder, I felt him shaking. “This running away from reality thing isn’t working for me lately” Tom said quietly, “it all seems to be coming back at me”. I wrapped my arms around him “One thing at a time okay? You’ve made it so far you’re not going to give up now”. “It’s just talking about everything today was tough and then John brought up Dan, it hurts to think about” I nodded understanding, but unsure of what to say. Luke suggested we go and pick up more coffee and some breakfast since we never got to finish, Tom nodded and said he would wait where he was. I followed Luke to a different café up the street, “You changed him” he said quietly, “I did what”? “You changed him, he’s different with you then with anyone I’ve ever seen” “In what way”? I asked “The way he talks to you, he’s protective of you, but he lets his guard down when he speaks to you. Tom’s never been one to open up about the way he feels, but he does with you” a small smile crept onto my face as he spoke; he smiled back “make sure he gets through it okay”? “of course” I replied. We finished paying and walked back to where Tom was sitting coming up on either side of him and pulling him to his feet. (The Fighter – Gym Class Heroes ft. Ryan Tedder http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxV-OOIamyk&feature=branded )

If you fall pick yourself up off the floor, And when your bones can’t take no more, Just remember what you’re here for

“Is Parker ready for another round”? Luke said, “Bring it on” Tom replied “This one’s a fighter”

Chapter 57

I lay in a hospital bed, or that’s what I thought it was at least I couldn’t be quite sure because I couldn’t see clearly. I felt around trying to figure out my surroundings, I heard beeping noises and felt tubes and machines hooked up to me. Everything felt very tight; I felt like I was being closed in on the space getting smaller by the second, I fought to get up, attempting to remove myself from this small space. My eyes shot open suddenly everything coming into full focus, I was greeted with Tom’s shocked face and the concerned look of a man I guessed to be my doctor. “Umm hello” I whispered quietly leaning back into the pillow. The doctor wrote something down and left the room without a word “well he’s friendly” I laughed looking at Tom. He held my hand tight and looked at me with tired eyes, “well this is different” he said ruffling my hair, “it seems we’ve switched places” I laughed at this realising how true it really was. “We just can’t get enough of these hospitals can we”? I asked laughing “really though what’s wrong with me”? I asked for the first time remembering my health. “Well you’re slightly crazy, and you tell bad jokes, you actually creep me out” Tom said laughing loudly at his own joke. “Your amount of concern is actually astounding” I said smirking, he laughed louder still “Just joking babe, you’re gonna be fine just some cuts and bruises, they’re going to run some tests and then you will be good as new I promise” he said smiling genuinely this time. “is this the hospital you’re supposed to be at”? I asked remembering the entire reason we got on that train in the first place. “Actually the one I’m supposed to be at is a few hours from here so as soon as your released we got to take a taxi to the next hospital” I yawned “can’t wait” I said sarcastically dreading the thought of getting into another vehicle. “I know I know I don’t want to either” he whispered, “now get some sleep” he said. “You too, you look like you haven’t slept in days” “I haven’t slept at all” he said, “Why?! Go to sleep Tom Tom” “I don’t know, trouble sleeping” he whispered, “but get your rest you need it” he said turning out the lights. I closed my eyes, sleep coming quickly, my dreams started off calm slowly becoming more vivid as the time wore on. Then it all came back, smashing into me as fast as a moving train, every moment, flying straight through my mind. I saw sparks, glass, blood, I could hear the screams I saw it happen saw it crash. Within seconds I was reliving every gruesome detail of the past 24 hours, each moment hitting me like a ton of bricks. I shot straight up a scream struggling to escape my throat. Tears were streaming down my face as I looked around frantically, I was alone, it was dark I couldn’t see or hear anything. I felt alone and afraid, calling out for Tom as I attempted to get out of bed to turn on a light. The room got brighter suddenly, getting louder and louder as something approached me, I stared in horror as a train barreled through the door. This time I woke up screaming loudly, Tom jumping up beside me. I made sure I really was awake this time, my heart was pounding, my entire face flushing as I tried to breathe. “Nightmares right”? Tom said knowingly, “This is why you haven’t slept” I said, gasping for air, suddenly understanding. All the details of the day were still running through my mind, I struggled to comprehend that it had all really happened, I wished more than anything that it was just a bad dream, but the look on Tom’s face reminded me this was real life. I sat there shaking, “what are we going to do”? I asked him my eyes wide with fear. I felt frustrated, nothing, absolutely nothing ever works out for us, and I was constantly reminded of this fact as more and more things happened. “It gets better at night I swear it does, just don’t close your eyes” he said, I looked at him a confused look crossing my face. “When it’s dark out, you don’t have to look at things in full light, you can hide away for a bit. Just pretend it didn’t happen just for tonight can we pretend the last 24 hours weren’t real”? I looked at him, knowing eventually it would be time to face reality again, but from the look on his face I knew today wouldn’t be the day we faced reality. “It never happened” I replied. (Maroon 5 – Daylighthttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wg9Urm2_7xQ ) 

But it’s late, and i’m trying not to sleep, Cause i know, when i wake, I will have to slip away

I knew prolonging it another day would just cause it to hurt more in the morning, but I couldn’t face to make him think about what had happened, anymore then I could force myself to go back to sleep. I knew I should but I also knew I wouldn’t. So we stayed up all night, talking about anything and everything. 

Cause in the daylight we’ll be on our own, But tonight i need to hold you so close

Chapter 56

That night we were all sitting around the kitchen table again eating dinner when Tom’s phone rang. He got up to answer it leaving the room as he said “hello”. We all continued talking but 15 minutes later Tom still hadn’t returned to the table. I got up going to see where he had gone, he wasn’t in the hallway. I wandered around the house looking for him seeing him nowhere. I walked up the stairs seeing him sitting at the top of the stairs looking at his phone. I felt my heart sinking looking at his expression, knowing whatever was coming next was nothing good. “What is it”? I asked joining him at the top of the stairs. “More blood tests, more treatments, same old” he said his voice monotone. “Is there something more”? I said pressing him to go on. “Different hospital, it’s going to take a few days” he replied, “It’s for the best, I can come with you it will be fine” I said squeezing his shoulder. “We have gigs this week, I don’t have time for this” “Tom it’s your health it’s more important” I replied. He looked at me stricken, “I can’t live my dream because of this, I’m getting the chance and it’s being ruined because I need to go to some fancy hospital and be taken care of, no thanks” he said curtly. “Tom you have no choice” “That’s what I hate the most” he replied “I’ve never had a choice in any of this, I’ve said it a million times but seriously I can’t handle this”. I had no idea how to reply, felt the familiar pain consuming me again. “I’m sorry” I whispered. He got up going into the room taking clothes out of his drawer; I felt my stomach twisting into knots. I didn’t know what to say didn’t want him to be upset at me. I looked over at him with pleading eyes he paused staring straight at me “Come pack” he said before turning to get his suitcase. I walked into the room pulling clothes out of cupboard not entirely sure of what I was to bring with me, or what the next few days would entail. “Can we leave tonight”? Tom said coming to stand beside me “How are we getting there”? “It’s a long train ride we could be there by the morning if we left now” he said looking at me his eyes begging. “Let’s go now then” I said zipping up my bag, taking a deep breath. Tom left a second later going downstairs to tell everyone what was going on. My head was spinning once again I was left in amazement of how quickly everything could change; five minutes ago everything seemed so perfect. I shook my head grabbing my suitcase off my bed and heading to the stairs. Tom met me halfway carrying my bag to the door. I looked around the living room seeing everyone’s worried faces “You’re sure you don’t want to wait until the morning”? Said Max with concern “I need to get there as soon as possible so I can get back in time for the gigs mate, trust me” said Tom as he put on his coat. I walked over hugged everyone then grabbed my jacket and ran to catch the taxi that was already waiting outside. Both Tom and I huddled in the back of the taxi I was shivering, moving closer to him to get warm. I watched as he told the driver to go to the train station, saw his breath in the air, saw his hands shaking slightly as they always do when he’s nervous. He sat back slipping his hand into mine “Liv and Tom take on another adventure” he laughed as the car pulled out of the driveway “Here we go again” I laughed shakily. 

Half an hour later we pulled into the parking lot of the train station barely making it on time for our train. 15 minutes later we were both seated in the train, everything loud around us. I felt so tired but around me everything was buzzing with life. The lights dimmed as the train pulled out of the station, I rested my head on Tom’s shoulder preparing myself for the long night ahead. “What would I do without my partner in crime eh”? Said Tom looking at me, “Your life wouldn’t be the same” I winked. “Seriously though who agrees to go on a cross country train ride in the middle of the night”? He said laughing “Turn’s out I do” I said shaking my head. “Why would someone agree to such a thing” he said winking “I don’t know maybe cuz I like you just a bit and know that you wanted me to come” “Oh just a bit eh”? “Yeah love you a tiny bit” I said laughing. “Well I love you a bit to” he said winking “How much”? I said curiously “Just a little” “I will get off this train” “love you more than life itself” he replied quickly, “Now that’s what I want to hear” I laughed. 

Both of us fell asleep a short while later, awakening to shaking. I thought Tom was trying to wake me up; I opened my eyes slowly “leave me alone” I whined. I was jolted forward suddenly my eyes now wide open as I felt the entire train shaking. Tom had just sat straight up panic crossing his face. I looked around frozen in fear watching the commotion as me as the train continued to shake violently, swaying slightly, as it continued on down the tracks.  Tom grabbed onto my arm pulling me down to the ground. “What’s going on” I screamed above all the noise that filled my head. I couldn’t hear anything just saw Tom’s arms wrap around me as I felt us falling. It seemed like we were airborne for hours, I saw it all happen a strange calm washing over me as I saw the world crumbling around me. I felt the train sliding from the tracks, saw people being thrown against the walls of the train, luggage coming towards me crashing around me. I heard the shrieking sounds of metal, saw sparks flying, windows breaking, felt the cold air on my face. I felt my face being sliced by glass, felt the heat of my own blood covering my face, felt my whole body going numb as I smashed to the ground. I squeezed my eyes shut tight hoping I would wake up and find this was all a nightmare. I felt like I was drowning as I listened to the sounds of people screaming around me. I opened my eyes again seeing light all around me, flames flickering, people running. I slipped in and out of consciousness each time I opened my eyes the scenes around me appeared more terrifying then the last. My heart was pounding the only thing going through my mind, “where is Tom” he was right beside me before, and now I lay alone. I forced myself to sit up; it took several tries before I was able to stand. I felt the dizziness taking over as I struggled to take each step wandering aimlessly. People were running everywhere looking for their loved ones. I was running now, tears streaming down my face, adrenaline pushing me forward. I struggled to see clearly, blinking, trying to get rid of the blackness that filled the edge of my vision. I felt someone slam into me suddenly, my entire body frozen once more in shock and fear. Felt hands on my face, I blinked, it was Tom. His hands wiping at the mixture of tears and blood covering my face, “Liv” was all he kept saying, over and over again. “I’m right here Tom” I said gripping his arm, “Look at me” he said as I attempted to bring his face into focus. The fear written across his face killed me. I felt my whole body shaking, the tears flooding down my face faster, the sobs escaping. He wrapped his arms tight around me his fingers pressing into my arms. I could feel him close, his arms shaking; his entire body seemed to buzzing with electricity. “Please don’t go” I cried. (Feel So Close (cover) – Chester See http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtei79oMCsQ ) 

I feel so close to you right now, it’s a force field 

“I’ve got you” he said into my ear, keeping his arms wrapped tightly around me, as my tears continued to fall. 

Your love pours down on me, surround me like a waterfall 

“I promise it will be okay” he whispered, I felt my legs going weak beneath me as I slipped out of consciousness again, the last thing I felt was Tom pulling me closer. “Stay with me Liv, nothing can stop us, it’s going to be okay” 

And there’s no stopping us right now, I feel so close to you right now 

Chapter 55

I breathed a sigh of relief. I was actually shocked at what had just happened. Is this for real? I kept thinking to myself. This moment felt like a dream, one I never wanted to wake up from. For once things were looking up; maybe things could finally go smoothly from now on. I heard Zoey come in the back door of the house, I got up going to meet her. I gave her an encouraging smile before heading into the kitchen with the empty tea cups. I hoped my parents wouldn’t be upset with Zoey, I hoped they could be as understanding with her as they were with me. I put the cups into the sink hearing Tom walk up behind me. “Did that really just happen” he whispered wrapping his arms around me. “Unbelievable” I said smiling. Tom walked across the kitchen opening the freezer door “Where’s the ice cream” he asked while looking into the freezer. “Never mind I found it” he shouted shutting the door. I looked at him an eyebrow raised “You’re aware of the time yes”? “I can tell time and its ice cream time I think” he said laughing. I shook my head taking down two bowls from the cupboard, “Oh then you’re having some to”? He said winking at me, I sat beside him “well I gotta keep u company” I laughed. We sat eating a bowl of chocolate ice cream at 9am. Maxime walked in “Nice healthy breakfast guys” she laughed joining us, I passed her a bowl as Tom scooped out some ice cream. “It’s the best way to start the day” he said nodding. A few minutes later everyone was sitting around the table again with the exception of Zoey and my parents. I was hoping everything was going smoothly, hoping nothing would ruin this mood. Everyone sat eating a bowl of ice cream, I felt like a little kid delighted by the idea of ice cream for breakfast. It brought back so many memories of times when things were so much simpler, when my only worry was chocolate or vanilla ice cream. Thinking about it now I wouldn’t trade any of this for the world. I’ve done more and loved more in this past year than others may in a life time. “Lost in thoughts again” Tom whispered beside me, I shook my head looking at him, focusing in on everyone around me “in memories” I whispered back. “Speaking of memories” Tom said turning to Sandra “ I found the pictures you asked for” I looked back and forth between them as they spoke, confused. “Maybe you should fill Liv in” said Siva noticing my expression “Thanks Seev” I laughed. “So Jay and I want a slide show at our wedding filled with tons of photos of all the best memories, we need one of all of you guys of course, so I asked Tom to send me some and printed them all out” said Sandra. I smiled at her “That’s a beautiful idea” “Let’s see all the pictures” said Nath from across the table. Sandra left to get the pictures as Tom and I cleaned up all the ice cream bowls. “Wow look at Parker cleaning” said Max “That’s a first”. Tom glared at Max “He’s come so far” I laughed. Sandra returned a few minutes later with all the photos in an album. I opened the cover flipping through page after glossy page. There were photos of both Sandra and Jay’s families. There were kid’s pictures, pictures from right after they met, ones from the boys first gig, there were some from Paris. Thinking about the vacation we all took to Paris, felt like thinking of another lifetime it felt so long ago. I remembered the awful nightmare from that trip, remembered waking up with tears in my eyes, panic filling my body when I woke up. I cringed at the thought flipping the page seeing pictures from the night of the engagement. I smiled down at the page seeing all our smiling faces looking right back at me. “Remember how nervous you were that night” said Siva laughing “Was not” said Jay shooting him a look. I laughed “You so were” agreed Nathan, you couldn’t sit still the entire night, “shut up” said Jay laughing looking away. We all laughed “Making poor Jay blush” said Benita, as we all watched Jay’s face getting redder. I flipped the page again seeing pictures from the club, I could see Tom and I dancing in the background, Tom’s arms flailing in the picture. “How come I don’t remember dancing like that”? Asked Tom, “Perhaps a bit too much to drink” I laughed. The next section had each of us in couple, I saw Hannah and Nathan standing in front of the Eiffel tower, Maxime and Max dancing in the backyard, Siva and Benita holding hands in the park, Sandra and Jay on the night of their engagement, and then Tom and I, a picture I had never seen, one of both of us laughing, my hand in his. It made me smile, our faces looked so relaxed, so worry free and unafraid. We looked alive and happy, it was us, the way we were meant to always be. I looked up from the picture seeing Tom smile as he looked down at the picture. 

A few minutes later Zoey called me into the hallway. “What happened”? I asked her curious and nervous. “I think it’s going to be okay” she smiled “Their not happy with me, but I guess they understand. They told me I need to come back with them in a few days but on my next school break I can come back for a bit” I smiled back at her “Is that okay with you”? She asked, I laughed “Of course it is, come back as much as you can promise”? “Promise” she said hugging me. “You think everything will work out from now on”? she whispered “I was thinking the same thing” I said “Let’s hope so, I don’t want you two to be anything but happy” she said smiling. 

After all of us had eaten lunch, we all got ready to go out drinking later that night “So everything is okay”? Tom asked as we were getting ready “Everything is okay looks like the family drama has finally ended” I said with a sigh of relief. “I’m glad” he said smiling back at me, “I’m proud of us” I said “Me to” said Tom. “I think we can get through anything” “do it all together” I said grinning. “You know when you smile like that you look the exact same as when you were a little kid” Tom said laughing, “Well I could say the same about you” I replied. “We may have gone through a lot, grown up a little bit on the way, but something’s will never change”. (Jónsi – Around Us http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21UtO4JXbq4&feature=related) 

I see the walls, Then see them fall, You break through them all, I see you crawl, Now you stand tall, Grow and grow till tall

Chapter 54

The next few days seemed to fly by as I waited for what seemed like the inevitable to happen, my parents were flying out that morning. I woke up with a pounding headache curious to see how this day would turn out, I didn’t have high hopes. Everyone was still asleep when I got up as it was Saturday morning. I seemed to be getting smaller and smaller amounts of sleep lately I had gotten used to waking up feeling unrested and exhausted, today was no different. I dragged myself out of bed getting ready and then heading downstairs straight to the coffee maker. I was surprised to see Zoey already sitting at the kitchen table. “Looks like your just as excited as me” she said laughing dryly as I joined her at the table “today is going to be interesting” I said sighing as I waited for the coffee to be finished. “I don’t wanna go home yet” said Zoey her eyes looked sad, “I don’t want you to go either, doesn’t everything just seem better here”? I said mirroring her expression. I heard her phone ringing from across the room “Oh great that probably means they’ve just landed or something” said Zoey standing up to take the call. As she talked quietly on the phone everyone seemed to be waking up making their way into the kitchen. Nathan walked in glancing from me to Zoey and then back again “good luck today” he mouthed before turning to get food from the fridge. “I’m going to need all the luck I can get” I thought to myself as I wandered around finding my bag and coat, anticipating going to the airport soon. Zoey hung up the phone a few minutes later “they just landed we need to go in a minute” she announced. Everyone turned to look at us “Be back soon then” I said putting on my coat, Zoey grabbed her bag and we made our way out the door. The day seemed to be off to a faster start than expected and my mind had not fully had the chance to wrap itself around the idea of my parents coming here. “Here we go” I whispered as Zoey and I got in a taxi heading to the airport. What awaited us I had no idea. 20 minutes later we pulled into the parking lot, paying the driver, and then heading into the airport in search of the right gate. Zoey spotted my parents getting their luggage we walked up to them. They looked surprised to see us at first, but slowly began to smile as we greeted them. It felt awkward and forced in a way, but I was willing to take whatever civil behaviour I could get. We started with small talk asking questions about the flight as we all got back into a taxi. The ride home seemed to take forever, I dreaded every second of it. I didn’t know what they were going to say to Tom or what Tom was going to say back. I felt the pain in my head spiking as we arrived back at home finally. I plastered on a smile as we got out of the taxi, leading the way up to the front door. Hannah opened the door a second later “welcome everyone” she said smiling as we all crowded through the door. I took the time to introduce everyone to my parents; everyone was in the living room except for Tom. As everyone got settled I walked into the kitchen making tea, Max was standing at the counter pulling down mugs from the cupboard “Where’s Tom”? I whispered he looked at me shrugging “go check upstairs” he replied “I’ll make the tea”. I quietly thanked him as I climbed up the stairs 2 at a time, opening the door to find Tom sitting on the bed listening to his iPod. “Um Tom what are you doing”? I asked closing the door behind me. “I thought I would let everyone get relaxed before making my entrance” he said winking. “Well I think it’s nearly time for your grand entrance” I said sitting down beside him “Don’t look so worried, I’ll be on my best behaviour” he said laughing pulling me to my feet. We made our way down the stairs hand in hand; I saw my parents exchange glances as we walked in. Everyone seemed to scatter as we sat down “Gonna run out and get some food” said Sandra smiling, everyone trailing behind her. “Seamless exit guys” I thought to myself holding back a laugh, shaking my head I turned to focus on my parents and Tom who were sitting in front of me. “Where to begin” said my mother silently producing a weak smile. “Let’s just get everything in the open” replied Tom, “tell me what we need to fix”. I flinched slightly hearing his words but looked at my parents expectantly waiting to hear their replies. “Our only problem is that you two seemed to have completely forgotten about everything, your life back in Canada, how young you are, how you’re going to make this work with such different schedules”. Tom took a deep breath before speaking “Look I didn’t mean to steal your daughter from you, and I know this whole thing seems insane, but trust me were going to make it work”. “But what about your health Tom”? Whispered my mum, “Your mum told us a long time ago when you were first diagnosed, we always had a feeling you two would find a way back to each other, we were afraid this would happen. You see it’s not that we don’t want you together but if something should happen I don’t know what you’re going to do Liv, I don’t think you could cope”. I felt her words tugging on my heart strings threatening to unravel me, I knew what she was saying, I knew I would fall apart and never be the same again. “Liv is stronger than she looks, she would make it through trust me” Tom whispered “I know it’s a lot I just want to ask you to trust me, put a little faith in us, we know what we’re doing and what we’re risking”.  (Won’t Give Up – Jason Mraz http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdN5GyTl8K0&ob=av2e )

I don’t wanna be someone who walks away so easily, I’m here to stay and make the difference that I can make, Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use, The tools and gifts we got yeah, We got a lot at stake

My mother smiled, shaking her head, I could see her eyes shimmering. “Are you sure you’re ready for this”? She said turning to me, “Ready for anything” I said smiling. “Well then were going to do our best to understand, and make everything a little easier” my mum said, “Just give us a little time to adjust” my dad added in. “Please go easy on Zoey” I whispered with a hopeful smile, “And thank you”. I felt Tom squeeze my hand tightly, he wore a shocked but excited expression. 

I won’t give up on us, Even if the skies get rough, I’m giving you all my love, I’m still looking up, Still looking up

Chapter 53

I woke up the next morning to the sound of Tom playing his guitar. “It’s so early Tom” I whispered “Why are you up”? “Sorry Liv, didn’t feel like sleeping” I laughed softly “Want me to keep you company”? “Yeah sure” he smiled back at me. I crawled out of bed pulling on one of his sweat shirts as I crossed the room. I watched as he strummed on his guitar softly, I was so focused on listening I didn’t hear my phone ringing across the room. I ran to pick it up, “Hello” I said breathlessly. “Liv”? I heard a familiar voice on the other end, it was my mum. “Oh hey Mum” I said trying to sound calm, “Isn’t it really early for you to be up”? “I couldn’t sleep” replied my mum curtly. “ah yeah me to” I said softly. “Can you put Tom on the phone please”? she asked. I froze momentarily, before walking back across the room handing the phone to Tom. I left the room going downstairs to make tea, not wanting to hear whatever was about to happen on the phone. I could hear Tom’s voice getting louder and louder the further away I got, I cringed thinking about exactly what was being said. I closed the kitchen door sitting down at the kitchen table my head resting against the table. I felt the familiar nervous feeling filling me, making me feel like I was choking. Why can’t things ever go smoothly? I thought to myself as I waited for the kettle to boil. I made 2 cups of tea, taking my time letting them cool before returning back upstairs. I slipped in the door Tom was back to playing his guitar the phone was lying on the other side of the room on the floor. “Well that’s a good sign” I said pointing to the phone. “Your parents are not happy with me” “What did they say”? “Your mum asked me to convince you to come home and I told her no. Then she asked if we could hold off the wedding for a few years and I said no” I winced hearing his words “Their gonna come here aren’t they”? “Yeah your mum and dad are both coming here in 2 days. “What exactly do they think they’re going to accomplish”? “I’m not sure Liv, they want to talk to my parents, want to convince us this isn’t a good idea, they want to bring you and your sister back to Canada”. I felt my face flush, my hands were shaking “I am sick of this, sick of everything I don’t understand why nothing can go right for us, why do people have to ruin everything”? “I don’t know Liv, I don’t get it either” he whispered quietly. I didn’t know what to do anymore no matter how far I ran I could never escape my parents, couldn’t stop people from trying to tear us apart every chance they got. I walked across the room picking up the phone and re dialing my mum. “Hello”? “What is wrong with you”? I began the conversation practically yelling. “Liv, I just want what’s best for you” “You don’t get it, this is what I want and no matter how many times I’ve tried to explain it you can’t get it through your head” “Well then show us, let us see this life you have created for yourself in London” “Fine come see, it’s not going to change anything though I’m not going to listen to you” I hissed back, “Let us see were trying to understand” “Then come, just know whatever happens I’m not leaving” I said then hung up the phone. I sat down on the edge of the bed; I could hear my heart pounding in my head, and my vision blurring. I heard Tom calling my name right before everything went black. 
I woke up some time later hearing Tom’s voice again; I opened my eyes slightly looking around. I was in my room, in my bed, something wasn’t right though I thought to myself. “Liv, you scared me, why did you faint like that”? “I did what”? “You fainted” “How long was I out for”? “Only about 10 minutes, I was just about to call an ambulance and then you woke up” “It’s from the stress” I replied. “You faint when you’re stressed? Since when”? “Ever since I moved from the UK I haven’t been able to handle stress properly. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t do anything without being worried all the time. I got so panicked sometimes I would pass out. It hasn’t happened for a long time though”. “Why didn’t you ever tell me”? “I never really told anyone, Zoey’s the only one that knows. If you haven’t noticed I like running away from my problems instead of facing them” He smiled softly “It’s going to be okay” he said putting my arm around me “But please don’t ever do that again you sent me into a panic thought I was going to pass out to”. I couldn’t help but laugh “That would have been quite messy” I replied.

I slept the rest of the day on and off; whenever I was awake Tom would come and check on me. By dinnertime I was sick of sleeping and decided to get up and get dressed. When I went downstairs the lights were dimmed and nobody was in sight. “Hello”? I called into what seemed like an empty house. “We’re out here” I heard Hannah call from the backyard; I raised an eyebrow confused as I followed the sound of her voice. When I got outside I stood stunned for a minute, unable to comprehend what I was seeing. The backyard had been decorated in a tropical theme, speakers were set up everywhere, and there were people all around me. “Was just about to come get you” Tom winked at me “What is all this”? “This is number 17” he replied “Still confused” I said laughing. “Party so hard we everything” he said smiling. My eyes lit up remembering writing that. “Go hit play” he said pointing to the iPod that was set up on one of the speakers. I walked over pressing play, turning the volume up as high as it would go. I watched as everyone began to dance, I found Tom in the crowd grabbing his hand as everyone moved to the music. I sang at the top of my lungs, I felt the music thumping in my ears, the grass cold beneath my bare feet, and the tears streaming down my face as I tried to forget all the pain and just live. (Every Teardrop is a Waterfall – Coldplay http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Kf_6BWcOOg) 

I turn the music up, Got my records on, I shut the world outside until the lights come on, Maybe the streets alight, Maybe the trees are gone, I feel my heart start beating to my favorite song

I saw Tom pull our list out of his pocket he handed me a marker, “Check it off” he yelled over the music. Taking the marker from his hand I crossed off number 17. “Check”

I turn the music up, I’m on a roll this time, And heaven is in sight

Chapter 52

Tom fell asleep shortly after that, I watched him as he had tried to stay awake talking to me, but saw his tired eyes closing. I didn’t feel ready to sleep just yet I still felt shaken from the day. I wanted to talk to Tom more, felt nervous still, and all alone. I still had questions, wanted to know more about him and Laura. I wanted to ask him what was going to happen next? I wanted to know why any of this had even happened. I had so many unanswerable questions taking over my mind. My head was spinning as more and more questions popped into my head. I was shaking at this point feeling so overwhelmed once again. I felt the tears beginning to fill my eyes again, I closed them tight, pulling my legs up against my chest and put my head down. The number of times I had felt this way in the past few months was unbelievable. I was so overwhelmed it left me breathless, I couldn’t cope. I heard Tom moving in his sleep, I sat still listening to the sounds around me. “You alright Liv”? I heard Tom whisper “Yeah I’ll be alright Tom Tom” I replied “Come here” he said. I crawled over to him sitting at his feet. “Look at you, don’t cry it’s going to be okay I promise alright? Forget Laura, just forget everything I’m sorry”. “Tom I’m scared, she brought up everything I didn’t want to think about” “Forget her and everything she says, think about something else” “Take my mind off it Tom” he sat there, thoughtful for a moment, he stood up walking over to his backpack pulling out a sharpie. “Give me your hand” he said smiling “I’m concerned” I said laughing, sticking my hand out. “Don’t look” he said winking, he began drawing on one of my fingers as I laughed the entire time because it tickled. “Could you hold still” he said squeezing my hand “It’s all your fault I’m moving” I said laughing. “There I’m done” he said letting go of my hand. I looked down to see his name written in small writing on my finger. (Wake Me Up - Ed Sheeran http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFhwqVH5hRk)

I should ink my skin, with your name

I looked at him confused “Get tattoos of each other’s names” he replied “Number 41” I said smiling, “Another item off the list, well kinda” I said laughing “Now give me your hand” I said taking the marker from his hand and writing “Livy Parker” neatly. “Parker eh”? he said winking “I will be a Parker one day soon” I said smiling “Let’s be serious you have always been a Parker, my mother always thought of you as her daughter” I smiled at this giving him a hug. “Now what do you want to do next”? he said yawning. “Don’t you want to go back to sleep, I’ll be fine” “You won’t be fine” “How do you know”? “Common Liv I know you better then I know myself”. “Tell me about myself” I said winking. 

“I know you want a real tattoo but you think it will hurt, you always say you’re going to cut your hair but you never will, you know I’m better at making tea, I know you won’t admit it but shrek is totally your favourite movie, you laugh at your own jokes because you think you’re the funniest person alive, you dance in the car when you hear your favourite song on the radio, and you don’t play guitar hero with me anymore cuz I always beat you”

And I know you love shrek, ‘cause we’ve watched it twelve times, but, maybe you’re hoping for a fairy-tale to

I sat silent a moment then burst into laughter “Of everything you know about me that’s what you tell me” he smiled “Those are all the little things other people don’t know, all the things I love”. I blushed looking at him feeling my heart flutter. “You do know I am hilarious though right”? I said laughing “Yeah Liv, for sure” he said winking. “What do you know about me then”? 

“Your messy, your loud, you get mad easy and throw tantrums like a child, you have a funny laugh, you say your scars are from protecting me but we both know there from when you had the chicken pocks, you give the best hugs in the world, you play your guitar to help you calm down, you can’t help but dance when you have your headphones on, and you act all tough but I know that your heart is made of pure gold” 

“Hey my scars are from protecting you” he said winking “Mhmm sure whatever you say” I laughed. “Were an interesting pair aren’t we”? He said “Yeah I think were one of a kind” I said smiling. “Now close your eyes again” he said winking. I closed my eyes “What is it this time”? “It’s a surprise you’ll see” he replied. A moment later he returned with a small box, I raised an eyebrow taking the box from him. I opened it to see a necklace; it was a tiny heart pendant. It sparkled as I held it up to the light “Aw Tom” I whispered, “What for”? “For everything Liv, so you always have me with you wherever you are”

And I’ll make you a heart pendant, with a pebble held in my hand, And I’ll carve it like a necklace, so the heart falls where your chest is, And now a piece of me, is a piece of the beach, and it falls just where it needs to be, and rests peacefully, You just need to breathe, to feel my heart against yours now, against yours now

I felt the familiar tears filling my eyes once more. “I wanted to thank you for picking me back up again when everything fell apart. For waking me up and making me want to live again. I was living in a daze, I didn’t want to live at all but you woke me up Liv, you did”

Maybe I’m just in love when you wake me up, I said maybe I fell in love, when you woke me up.

I was at a complete loss for words; I crawled over to him wrapping my arms around him. I hugged him tighter then I had ever hugged anyone. I let the tears stream down my face, “I love you” I whispered. 

Both of us attempted to sleep a short while later. I put my head on his shoulder my hand resting on top of the necklace, listening to the sounds of our hearts beating until I fell asleep. 

and then you’d lie with me, until I fall asleep, and flutter an eyelash on my cheek

Chapter 51

The next day the boys had a gig to do, the alarm clock went off at 6am. I rolled over staring at the buzzing alarm clock half awake. Tom reached over hitting the snooze button while swearing under his breath. I lay staring at the ceiling wanting to go back to sleep, all the girls had promised the boys we would come with them to rehearsals, so I had to get up very soon. I was in the middle of mentally planning out what I was going to wear to the gig when Tom rolled over staring at me. “I don’t want to go I’m tired” he said his eyes half closed, “Aww I know it’s early, but that’s the life of a rock star” I said winking at him. We began to get ready 10 minutes later; I could hear movement throughout the house as everyone was waking up. I was ready a half hour later and made my way downstairs to find Tom on the couch watching TV while eating breakfast with max. I sat in between them reaching over to grab a piece of toast off Tom’s plate while he wasn’t looking. “You thief” laughed Max beside me “Me? No never” I said winking. “What are you two on about”? said Tom oblivious to what just happened “Oh nothing Tom Tom” I said innocently smiling, “You’re a bad girl” Tom laughed turning back to the TV. After everyone had eaten we made our way to the studios where the boys would be practicing their vocals for the performance later that night. All of us entered a large building and were escorted onto the elevator to the 12th floor. There were a lot of people in the room that we were lead into, everyone turned to stare as we walked in. I slipped my hand into Tom’s feeling uncomfortable with everyone staring. We were all told to take a seat as they set up the microphones and instruments for the boys. Tea was brought to us and I began to relax sitting in the corner of the couch with Tom’s arm draped over my shoulders. As I was finishing off my tea the boys were brought into the studio, all of the girls sat chatting while the boys practiced. A girl about the same age as me sat down beside Maxime a few minutes later. “Hello ladies” she said brightly, all the girls except for Zoey and I seemed to know her. “I don’t think we’ve been introduced” she said turning to look at me. “Hi I’m Olivia” I said smiling back at her “Oh I’m Laura and you know the boys how”? “umm I’m Tom’s fiancé” I said quietly. “Well isn’t that sweet” she said curtly, standing up and walking away. “Umm that was rude” said Benita as soon as Laura left, “Yeah I know did I say something wrong”? “No you didn’t I don’t know what her problem is” said Benita looking to the other girls questioningly. “I think Tom and her have some history” Maxime said quietly, “History”? I asked, “I’m not quite sure about the details I think they were together a long time ago” Maxime replied, “Sorry Liv”. I took a deep breath “That’s alright she’s gone now, I’m just gonna go to the washroom be back soon”. I stood from the couch needing a minute to myself. I wandered the hallways looking for a sign that would point me in the right direction. 5 minutes later I finally found it, I walked inside standing in front of the mirror, I didn’t know why that encounter had bothered me so much. I stood for a minute shaking off the sick feeling that had entered my stomach, I felt so nervous and couldn’t understand it. As I was just about to leave Laura entered the washroom. “Oh its you again” she said surprised to see me “So I can’t believe your marrying Tom”? “Why is that”? I replied, feeling the panic creeping into my voice. “I just always thought Tom and I would end up together, I made him feel better when you left him” she said smiling at me, “Umm I didn’t exactly have a choice to leave” “well you guys lost touch after you moved and I kept him company”. I had no idea what to say to her or why she felt the need to say any of this to me. “Why are you telling me this”? “Because I want you to know he can live without you” “Well I don’t want to live without him” I said walking out of the room. I was flustered and annoyed, I couldn’t believe she would say all of that to me, didn’t understand why she would purposely hurt me. I didn’t know where to go but I knew I couldn’t stay in this building any longer. I turned heading towards the elevator hearing her foot steps behind me “You know he’s sick, he’s not going to live much longer” “Can I help you”?! I said the volume of my voice spiking as I faced her. “Is there a reason you feel the need to attack me with your hateful comments”? “I just want you to know” she replied faking innocence “You wanted to tell me that my fiancé doesn’t need me? That he’s going to die soon? That’s what you had to let me know”? I felt the tears streaming down my face, didn’t have anything left to say. I walked back to the couch all the girls looked up concern written across their faces as I grabbed my jacket off the couch. I was turning back to the elevator when I saw Laura coming my way I turned the other way and saw Tom coming towards me. I stood in place not sure what to do or where to go “What’s going on Liv”? Tom said looking at my face “How about Laura tells you” I said pointing at her, disgust filling my voice. “I did nothing Tom I swear I just told her about how great we used to be” my jaw dropped as the lies continued to pour out of her mouth “I really didn’t mean to upset you” she continued in an icy tone. “Yes telling me that Tom doesn’t need me is definitely not rude” I said sarcastically. Tom wore a shocked expression the entire time we were talking; he looked from me to Laura and back again. “I really can’t deal with this” is all he said before walking away leaving me standing there. I stood completely stunned unsure of how to react. I pushed Laura aside this time successfully making it to the elevator, Benita was close behind me and entered the elevator the same time as me. We stood in silence the entire way down, by the time we hit the ground floor I couldn’t hold the tears in any longer. Benita gave me a hug leading me over to a bench to sit down. “Why didn’t he defend me, how could he not say anything”? “I’m not sure hun it’s so unlike Tom to keep quiet like that” I shook my head attempting to clear it. My life was continuously falling apart, breaking into a million pieces, and I had no way to piece it back together. 

3 hours later everyone arrived home. Benita and I had taken a taxi home and had spent the afternoon watching TV and talking. Everyone was quiet as they entered the room where Benita and I sat. “Hey you two” Siva said breaking the silence and sitting down in between us on the couch. “Hey seev” I whispered as everyone else took a seat in the living room. Tom had gone straight upstairs, I heard him slam the bedroom door behind him. “You need to talk to him Liv” Maxime said giving me a hug. I slowly stood up looking at everyone before heading towards the stairs. I slipped into the bedroom quietly shutting the door behind me “Tom”? I whispered, he turned to look at me shaking his head before turning away. “Tom why are you doing this? I don’t get it you let her attack me like that, now you act like I’m the one who did something wrong” “Liv I don’t mean to but I can’t handle much more drama” “Tom I get it, I do, but you think this isn’t hard on me? You hurt me today, you left me alone when I needed you to back me up” I could feel the tears filling my eyes again, my already broken heart cracking once more. (The End Where I Begin – The Scripthttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=toV84pYmI0g)

Tried to break my heart, Well it’s broke, Tried to hang me high, Well I’m choked, Wanted rain on me, Well I’m soaked, Soaked to the skin

“I’m sorry Liv, I had a feeling she would say something today and I should have warned you, but you have to know I hurt her to. I left her because I couldn’t forget you even though it was a long time ago I guess she never completely got over it”. 

Sometimes your first scars won’t ever fade away

“Liv I had no choice but to walk away I knew what she would say but I didn’t want to hear it. Laura is a painful reminder of how much time has already passed, of how close my time may be to running out”. 

Sometimes we’ve no choice but to walk away, away

The tears came harder this time, overflowing. No matter how many times I tried to run, tried to avoid reality, it always found its way back to me, punching me in the face. 

Sometimes tears say all there is to say

“This doesn’t mean I’m giving up Liv, you know I will fight till the very end. I know people doubt I will make it but don’t you remember what I always told you”?

“When people doubt, strive harder” I whispered.